From [email protected] Sun Jun 4 13:13:57 EDT 1995
Article: 63273 of alt.sex.movies
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From: [email protected] (Alan P. Ervert)
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Date: Sun, 4 Jun 1995 06:36:42 UTC
Subject: [REVIEW] New Wave Hookers 1-4 (second attempt)
Lines: 281
Status: RO
I tried posting this once before, but it appears to have been eaten.
Good thing, too, as I'd misidentified at least one pair of performers
as they looked a lot alike in the opening credits. So sue me.
Forgive me if this does, in fact, show up as a duplicate.
*****
She Electrifies Me -- New Wave Hookers 1-4 reviewed
By A. P. Ervert
There have been some dry years in the Ervert Homestead. In 1990 I
moved away from a city where I could get all sorts of lovely and
raunchy smut in discreet, well kept smuttatoria, right in my
neighborhood, renting them for about $1/day. I moved to a city where
I had to go to horrid, dingy hell-holes if I wanted any selection at
all, and had to *buy* the stuff most of the time. Then I moved to a
place 90 miles from the nearest smut rental shop. Alas and alack! No
significant smut viewing for 5 years.
This is about to change.
I still have to buy the stuff, but I recently made an investment in
all four volumes of New Wave Hookers. I'd only seen the first one,
waaaaaay back when, but I love the Dark Brothers, and the Blowfishies
had a price I couldn't refuse so I bought the whole series
sight-unseen. The shiny new boxes arrived yesterday, and I've already
watched the lot, with some repeat viewing of choice scenes. Here are
my impressions after having been inundated by some of the Fine Filth
of the Dark Brothers.
New Wave Hookers
Released 1985
Starring: Ginger Lynn, Desiree Lane, Kristara Barrington, Kimberly
Carson, Brooke Fields, Gina Carrera, Gamie Gillis, Jack Baker, Tom
Byron, Steve Powers, Peter North, Rick Cassidy, Greg Rome, Steve
Drake.
Exec. Producer: Walter Dark
Written, Produced and Directed by Greg Dark (written with Platinum Fire)
How nice! The credits show each actress dancing provocatively while
her name is displayed. Isn't it lovely to be able to associate a name
with a twat? This service is provided by all four of the movies, and
I appreciate it very much, especially since I've missed out on nearly
5 years worth of recent models. Unfortunately the same isn't done for
the dorks, so I have forgotten how to pin the names of Rick Cassidy,
Greg Rome and Steve Drake on to the actors.
No matter. This golden oldie revolves around the dream of Jamie
Gillis and Jack Baker, who fantasize about pimping while watching
porn. (the song from "Lemme tell ya about white chicks," another
classic from the Dark oeuvres, is playing). They say they would just
"program the chicks to fuck by music", and then they would able to
"lay some pipe on the bitches." They fall asleep, and dream of happy
plumbing.
This video is the quintessential Dark of the late 80's --- cheap sets,
inane, misogynistic dialog and hot dirty sex. The whole thing goes
together in a most delightful way. I even like how when the phone
rings the actor has to say "ring-ring-ring". Tee Hee. I sorta hate
Jamie's affected fake Chinese accent, but we deal with it.
Now, if you hate it when actors refer to sweet young things as
"bitches" this video isn't for you. But they're pimps, right? You
expect them to RESPECT their ladies?
Lessee... I counted 5 sex scenes:
1) Desiree Lane rides in on roller skates, Jack puts some headphones
on her and she is instantly and efficiently transformed into a
gape-jawed, scum-drunk fuck socket. She does Steve Powers and Jamie
Gillis in an oral-vaginal 3-way, plays with a vibrator, and just
generally does the boys up a treat. Ervert says it's very hot.
2) Phone rings, Jack tells the client "Oh, and if you want to screw
these bitches, you gotta play that New Wave music. You know, that
silly-ass rock-and-roll shit" Kimberly Carson and Brooke Fields are
sent to entertain Peter North. Some hot girl-girl action, done
slowly. Camera work is pretty good, too. I did manage to
fast-forward through a lot of Peter North's ministrations, though. I
found them a bit tepid.
3) Ginger Lynn. Steve Powers. Tom Byron. DP. Volcanic. Enough said.
4) Kristara Barrington delivers sushi. Jack slaps the headphones on
her and she's ready for Jack Baker and Steve Powers to fuck her.
Cheesy blowjob on Jack B., straight fucking with Steve. Warm, IMHO.
5) The boys suddenly remember that they "left the bitches on the
reconditioning machine" and go into the back room to cool them down.
This involves intercourse, naturally. Later the vice squad raid, and
are asked to join in. I found it warm.
Overall, I'd give this one a must-own just because of the scenes with
Desiree Lane and Ginger Lynn. I also find the idiotic dialog entertaining.
This video bears the old mark of the Dark Brothers --- Purveyors of Fine Filth.
**********
New Wave Hookers 2 --- Released 11/90
Starring: Madison, Danielle Rogers, Ashley Nicole, Jamie Leigh, Sandra
Scream, Patricia Kennedy, Savannah, Cameo, Ricky Lee, April Rayne,
Amanda Stone, Rip Hyman, Jack Baker, Peter North, Joey Silvera, Marc
Wallace, T.T. Boy, Randy West, Tony Montana, Tom Chapman
Dir. of Photo: Alex Dark
Director: Gregory Dark
Time: The Future (1995) Jack Baker appears in stereotypical pimp garb,
bonks two women (Madison and ??) on the head with some wand and says
"I baptize you in the name of Willie" then instructs them to go out
and get laid and bring him back some money. The young ladies are
obviously taken with his charm and go off to oblige. Madison
is followed by a van bearing a sign: "Cult Busters".
The box says 8 sex scenes, I counted 7, but who cares. The "plot" is
about how Madison has been taken in by the "Cult of Willie", the
divine pimp. Jack Baker plays "Little Willie, the Prophet Pimp," who
is the divine Willie's representative on earth.
Illuminatus! fans will be amused by the secret society of women living
in the undersea city of Atlantis.
This smut fan, however, was a bit disappointed by the actual sex here.
1) Madison does Peter North in an alley. One of the problems I have
with this scene is that an awful lot of time Madison is looking right
at the camera (i.e. "Look at me, you dopey raincoat, don't you wish
you were here with me instead of pulling your pud over there?") I
sorta wish she'd pay attention to what she's doing over there, and
look like she's into it, instead of pretending to be distracted by the
audience. Anyhow, there's an oral scene, he fucks her, then she does
a bum who's been asleep in the alley all that time. *shrug*
2) Cult busters abduct Madison, and ask her what the bonking ritual
was all about. She explains that the sound (New Wave Music, of
course) you hear on being bonked by Little Willie's gadget makes you
horny, and also changes your perceptions so that all the tricks seem
to live in nice houses and be handsome and say all the right things
"and they really mean them", whereas the reality is... Cut to
Danielle Rogers showing up at a trick's dump. "You're the slut from
Willie's? Come on back, I'm gonna squirt all over you" I liked this
scene, Danielle is very pretty and looks SOooooo nice while
copulating. If only SHE'D STOP LOOKING AT THE DAMNED CAMERA TOO!
3) Patricia Kennedy, Cameo and Ricky Lee down in Atlantis. Some nice
stuff, including a DPP by Cameo, which is looped once. Ricky's
boring. Other than the DPP there's nothing remarkable here. The oral
sex is tepid. Why do all the female porn stars have to give blowjobs
that are really just handjobs while the head is in her mouth? Yawn.
OPEN UP, GIRL!
4) Ashley Nicole gets initiated by Mark Wallace, T.T. Boy, Joey
Silvera, Randy West and ??. What a waste of a 5-on-one scene. The
only thing that isn't serial is the pretty, but brief, double blowjob
she gives to of the boys.
5) Back at the House of Willie the hookers play with each other.
Fairly dull girl-girl action, IMHO.
6) Savannah and another girl give a customer what he wants. I hit FF. Shrug.
7) Jamie Leigh DP'd by Mark Wallace, and ??. Joey Silvera is there,
too. Vigorous action from our double penetrating friends, lovely
filming by the Darks. Lots of long shots. Pity Ms. Leigh doesn't
look nicer, but she seems to be enjoying herself and that's what
counts, isn't it?
Overall: rent it, but I'd probably not buy this one if I had to do it over.
*******
New Wave Hookers 3
Starring: Crystal Wilder, Tiffany Million, Nikki Dial, Danyel Cheeks,
Brittany O'Connell, P.J. Sparxx, Leanna Foxxx, Lacey Rose, Francesca
Lee, John Dough, Rocco Sifredi, Marc Wallace
Ok. This one has my vote for the hottest and best of the whole lot.
Plot: THERE IS ONE, and it's funny!
Sex: Very Hot. Very, Very hot.
Kink: Well, looks like SOMEONE likes feet.
I'm not going to give this one a play-by-play, since I could spend a
hundred lines on each scene and not get across the magnitude of my
enthusiasm. Rent it. Buy it. Watch it. The Darks have done very
well here. Brittany O'Connell does a very very sexy (albeit short) DP
with Marc Wallace and John Dough. Nickki Dial and Crystal Wilder do
Marc Wallace. Crystal Wilder takes 4 guys and looks really yummy
while doing it. Rocco and Crystal have a scene together which I found
volcanic, although I do wish Rocco wouldn't drool into her mouth like
that. Rocco does P.J. Sparxx and I can see why Rocco is so popular
(this is the first Rocco movie I'd had the opportunity to view). Yow!
Buy it.
A comment --- I see that the Vividude was surprised that so many
people disliked artificially enhanced breasts. Add my voice. One of
my favorite scenes in this video was Brittany O'Connell's. Brittany
has small, oddly shaped, but *natural* breasts which look absolutely
yummy. I'd take them over a pair of built-up plastic wonders any day.
******
New Wave Hookers 4
Starring: Tami Ann, Chasey Lain, Nikole Lace, Barbara Doll, Juli
Ashton, Misty Rain, Sandi Beech, Jewel, Vixxxen. Marc Wallace, Tom
Byron, and a few other stuntcocks who I don't recognize.
This isn't actually a "Dark Brothers" flick, it's a "Gregory Dark" flick.
It's quite good, and I'm glad I bought it.
This time *ALL* the models look salaciously into the camera in *ALL*
scenes. I forgive them. Especially Juli Ashton whose eyes were so
beautiful while she's getting sodomized that I fell in love right then
and there. No, not really, but YOWZA!
Unlike the others this one has a little different feel --- the
lighting isn't as dark, the sets aren't as cheasy. It's obviously
shot on video instead of film (the previous three were on film). The
sex is just as nasty, if not more so.
This film has got nothing much to do with the others. In all of the
previous three the women were driven to intense lust and the depths of
depravity by the sound of New Wave music. The only music in this one
is on the sound track. That's OK. The sex is blistering. There is
no plot to speak of. That's OK. The sex is blistering. The chatter
of Half-Pint, the dwarf, droning on about prostitution and how most
women are whores but don't admit it was sorta vile until he got to
the bit about alimony, which struck a chord with Yours Truly and I
stopped griping :-). But when Juli Ashton is teleported into a room
with two clowns (i.e. actors painted and dressed up as clowns, not
just guys like T.T. Boy and Marc Wallace :-) and Half-Pint says "They
*are* a little peculiar, but they excite you" I cracked up.
Lessee... Juli does two guys (and if you can figure out who they are
through the clown make-up you're a better smut viewer than I). She
does oral/vaginal and oral/anal, plus lots of toys. Chasey Lain takes
on Tom Byron, T.T. Boy and ??, and Vixxxen joins in using a strap-on.
Chasey's another gorgeous woman with beautiful eyes, and if those
breasts are modified then they at least look very nice. Tami Ann and
Nikole Lace get their sphincters probed by Tom Byron and ??; Tami
Ann's another one with nice, small, natural breasts. Barbara Doll,
Marc Wallace and ?? show us how a sexy sunny-side-up DP should be
done, and Dark shows us how it should be shot. No Dark would stick a
camera on a tripod and film a DP completely in gyno detail the way all
the others smut-king-wannabes do. Jewel and Sandii Beech and John
Dough entertain us with a three-way. And we end with a sorta badly
done orgy, which is really just three separate sex scenes filmed in
the same room at the same time. A blonde woman takes Marc Wallace and
?? on for a while, and then gets DP'd, after which two new guys come
in and do it all over again; most of this part is filmed through the
railing of the stairway above which it happens. Kinda obscures the
view a lot, but you get the point. And what a pretty point it is.
Misty Rain and Chasey Lane do some g-g action with toys and tongues
and fingers and beautiful eyes and pierced nipples and and and... oh,
excuse me where was I? Oh, yeah, and lastly some other blonde (who
was not in the opening credit's vulva-face-name Rosetta stone) does
anal with a man in sorta lame-o drag.
Ervert says: A must own.
******
That's all for now. The Excalibur catalog should be coming in the
mail soon and perhaps I'll have some more videos to review next month.
Smuttily,
A. P. Ervert
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