From [email protected] Sat Jul 29 18:54:27 EDT 1995 Article: 69944 of alt.sex.movies Message-ID: <[email protected]> Path: roch3.eznet.net!news.sprintlink.net!EU.net!news.eunet.fi!anon.penet.fi Newsgroups: alt.sex.movies From: [email protected] (Sleepless in Seattle) X-Anonymously-To: alt.sex.movies Organization: Anonymous forwarding service Reply-To: [email protected] Date: Sat, 29 Jul 1995 21:24:17 UTC Subject: Review - Retrun of the Smart Ass Lines: 161 Status: RO While shopping for a video this week I came upon this one and remembered how much I'd liked the first one of the series (The Smart Ass Enquirer)and decided to try this one. My luck recently had not been good so I was hoping this would change it. I was not disappointed. The Smart Ass Returns - Video Team 1993 Jim Enright Director Krystina King, Rebecca Bardoux, Niki Sinn, Crystal Wilder, TT Boy, Marc Wallice, Tom Byron and Jonathon Morgan (Special appearance it says) Plot - It seems our action movie star Brock Rivers (TT Boy) is going flabby and needs to be hammered back into shape by his new personal trainer, Rusty (Krystina King). His bad habits include too much booze and too many women. Anyway, our heroine arrive at Rivers house along with Sid Lipshitz (Jon Morgan? I duuno. Slicked back hair, skinny, pierced nipple) to be met by his butler Jamison (Marc Wallice). The go to the pool to find Brock watching Molly(Crystal Wilder) and Gretchen (Rebecca Bardoux? Redhead, nice natural breasts, cute but not outstanding with a very porkable ass) getting it on by the pool. They retire to wait for this to finish and we get to our first sex scene. Molly / Gretchen. The girls go at it with Gretchen being the most vocal but not totally believable. Molly works on her clit real hard so maybe it is real. At this point let me declare that I am a Crystal Wilder fan. I have never seen anyone enjoy butt fucking like this gal. If she hadn't ruined her tits I'd be in love with her. But she screwed them up with silicone so lust will have to do. Back to the review. This scene is a standard girl/girl with almost no simultaneous interaction by the girls. First Molly does Gretchen then Brock hands her a silver vibrator/dildo and she does Molly. Lots of tit play for Molly and eventually Molly spreads her lovely pussy wide for the dildo. Meanwhile TT Boy lays off to the side making stupid noises (acting natural?). Molly (Crystal) really gets into being porked with the dildo and makes a ton of noise while bouncing her butt all over the place. (Another reason I love CW is she spreads wider and bounces her ass around like she really enjoys it). Anyway a fairly hot girl/girl if you like those things. I can take them or leave them. I watched this because I kept hoping they would do something creative with the dildo and Crystal's butt. They didn't but it seemed hot to me so I wasn't disappointed. Our hero leaves the girls once Crystal gets off and goes to meet his trainer. He gets told what's planned and agrees in order to bone our Krystina. Sid leaves and they make some small talk while TT boy makes a pass and gets rejected. Some good one liners here. Rusty tells him to get changed for a run around the grounds. Rusty is in charge and so they go jog. There are some funny parts here where TT boy acts like a wimp and Krystina looks nothing like a trainer. Dinner yes, a trainer no. We cut to later in the day and see Rusty listening at Brocks bedroom door. Our next sex scene follows. TT Boy, Crystal Wilder, and Niki Sinn (at least I think it's Niki. I don't know her form any other movies so I'm guessing. Dark headed girl, nice natural breasts, tattoo on her left tit. She's the maid here) in the shower. The girls give TT a dual blow job then they ask to be fucked and TT obliges. First with the maid sitting on the edge of the tub and him in the tub while crystal keeps Niki from falling out of the tub. Pretty standard drilling though I must say I quite like Niki's pussy and ass. Pleasing to the eye. Pity about the tattoo. Anyway this switches to Crystal getting porked. She does a cowgirl and a RC with athletic variations on the RC and then switches to doggie with one foot up on the edge of the tub so we can see (how nice of them). Niki jills CW while she's getting fucked but it looked a bit awkward and didn't add to the scene. TT then anals Niki ( I would have done crystal because though Niki took it well and it appeared she liked it, Crystal is one of the top ten butts to be fucked IMHO). TT butts porks her hard while Crystal rides the side of his leg. He comes on her asshole and pussy. Rusty barges in tell TT boy to get rid of one of the girls and Crystal is sent away as the maid works there. Too bad to lose such a good ass so early in the flick. Anyway we cut to Rusty in the Kitchen with the maid. She's on the phone and we get a bad continuity loss here. The maid tells her that she has fucked Brock 700 times but never let him in her ass when we just saw her let him in the ass. Anyway, Rusty is talking to Sid and the call ends and we see Gretchen giving Sid a blowjob in his office. Rebecca (?) and Jon (?) - If this is Rebecca I quite fancy her butt. Pity they never put anything in it. This BJ goes on far too long and eventually he porks her on the desk for a while (missing a good opportunity to butt fuck her) then she finished him with a BJ. He pulls out and jacks off a little to come near her face. Her BJ is good but not great and he's not the best actor I've seen even by skin standards. A weak scene. We cut back to the kitchen and Rusty and Jamison are talking about Brock. he gets ready to go polish Brocks shoes when Rusty offers to let him polish her ass. Finally we get to see Krystina in action. Marc and Krystina in the kitchen. They start out in a standard kissing way then he lays her on the counter and eats her pussy. She must have let her hair grow back because I remember her with hairless pussy lips and I prefer her that way. No real good shots of her ass but plenty of body shots. Her tits are small but cute and natural HOORAY! They change to her giving a kneeling BJ to Wallice and it must have been good. He fucked her mouth soundly for a long time and she took ALL of him without a problem. What a great mouth she has. It has to be one of the best BJs ever and he loses it and comes in her mouth. She never lost a beat and kept right on with it in order to keep him hard. It worked. Her turns her around and sound fucks her doggie for a long time. Her pussy and ass are wet and ready. They then turn around and he lays her back on the counter. (I think they must have had to take a break here because when they he starts to fuck her on the counter she's dry again. Anyway, he porks her missionary on the counter then she asks for it up her butt. The guy must be a magician because he's standing there. pants around his ankles, no shirt, fucking away and holding her legs up around his ears. She asks for the butt fuck and Abbra Cadabbra a rubber appears in his right hand. He slips it on quickly and then inserts in her butt. Credit here, we get to see the tight and dry insertion I love it. That's the way it is and they should show it more. He porks her hard and then pulls out to come and Presto Chango, the rubber is gone and he cums on her belly. I hated it when the missionary anal is the only one used. There are so many better ways to do it. But the camera work was OK and I thought the scene was above average. We cut to TT boy running across his property made up to look like Rambo. He knocks out two goons (Is one Tom Byron ??)and rescues Gretchen who is tied to a tree nude from the waste down. He throws her over his shoulder and carries her off. Did I say I liked her ass yet? In fact I thought this flick had a nice array of pretty asses of various types. I didn't remember Krystina having a mole or skin tag just outside her ass but it is there in this film and you can't help looking at it. Anyway, TT carries Gretchen off and the scene switches to Rusty and Brock watching the film on TV. It was apparently his newest movie. He asks if she remembers her promise and she says yes. Now for the final sex scene. TT Boy and Krystina. This was supposed to be the climax but was only a fair scene. She blows him showing once again how good she is at it and then she rides him cowgirl. This switches to a missionary and he cums near her face but misses her mouth. Roll Credits. Bah! This could have been a great flick but weak direction let it down. They failed to use Crystal Wilder's best assets and didn't take advantage of two or three chances to get her and Krystina together where we could see them butt fucked side by side. Niki and Rebecca are wasted mostly, Niki's one anal was good and I would have loved to see Rebecca get analed. There is some looping but not TOO much and we get a couple of quality anal scenes but not what could have been. What a shame. For those like me who prefer natural tits well, 3 out of 4 ain't bad. I like Krystina's small perky ones and Rebecca and Niki's natural medium sized ones. The girls pander a little to those who like special tastes too. Only Krystina keeps her shoes on while she gets fucked all the rest expose their feet. I know many like that. I don't mind one way or the other as long as it makes sense. Krystina wears thigh high stockings that hold themselves up in all of her scenes. That should please those that like that sort of thing. And in one early scene Rebecca (?) sucks on TT boys toe (Yuchhh!) I hope she didn't damage his brain! All in all a better than average flick and a good rental particularly if you like to see nice asses. I'll give it a 2.95 on our resident experts scale.(Pardon my use of your scale oh great Imperator but imitation is the sincerest form of flattery) Until next time ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- To find out more about the anon service, send mail to [email protected]. If you reply to this message, your message WILL be *automatically* anonymized and you are allocated an anon id. Read the help file to prevent this. Please report any problems, inappropriate use etc. to [email protected].