From [email protected] Thu Jan 5 13:04:47 EST 1995
Article: 44054 of alt.sex.movies
Message-ID: <[email protected]>
Newsgroups: alt.sex.movies
From: [email protected] (Curmudgeon)
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Date: Thu, 5 Jan 1995 04:23:50 UTC
Subject: REVIEW "Cheeks 5: Cop A Feel" (Long)
Lines: 178
Status: RO
I'll have to admit that my hopes for "Cheeks 5: Cop a Feel" were
artificially inflated by the clever posts and reposts of Ms. Alexandre,
and by some of the comments posted by people who had previously seen
it. But adult video preferences are so different, and what's hot for
one person may not be for another. Since my disappointment may not be
typical, I'll go to some pains to try to explain my disatisfaction,
making this review atypically long. You've been warned. ; )
__Nutshell plot Synopsis__
The story opens on BA's wedding day. Waking suddenly by the pool after
a somewhat unsettling daymare involving John Stagliano and a video
camera, she realizes she's late for the ceremony. Caution goes out the
window, and she roars through a stop sign, pedal-to-the-metal thru a
school zone - and right past a motorcycle cop. Busted! And -gasp!- by
a randy motorsmokey, who bluntly suggests her best plan of action to
avoid expensive red tape might be the layaway plan! What to do?
Quicker'n you can say "Pussy Galore" she and the cop have found a
deserted alley, we say a hasty adieu to the wedding dress, and we're into
Sex Scene #1, with no further reminder that this is extorted sex. So
you get yer oral, you get yer vaginal, you get a little anal, and for a
special treat, you get yer "tease with nightstick," all culminating in a
facial. You might get off. You might not.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, two bridesmaids are pondering the bride's
tardiness. There's no minister evident (probably 'cause he's behind the
camera), and the groom has already wandered off. Can this marriage be
saved, and while we're at it, gee, these dresses sure are itchy! What
to do?
Why, skin out of 'em, natch! Just in time for Randy West to come
bounding down the stairs, and whammo! we're into Sex Scene #2, between
Randy and bridesmaid #2 (sorry, I'm just no good at names!), while
bridesmaid #1 circles with a camcorder. ("I want to see your face," she
directs her friend at one point, and yet her camera's aim obviously never
wanders north of the navel.) Again, you get yer oral, yer vaginal, some
cowgirl (forward and reverse) and an interesting shot looking up through
a clean glass table, all culminating in another facial. But wait -
there's still a fresh bridesmaid left! So the girls have at it for a
bit of girl-girl, while Randy takes the camcorder.
Rejected and depressed, Frank the groom has wandered into a bar, where he
rapidly undertakes ritual self-plastering. Glancing about the bar, he
sees two attractive people shooting pool, and as fast as you can say
"reverb unit," we're into a echo-y fantasy sequence of pool table
coitus. (Don't try this at home.) Oral, vaginal, legs akimbo, and of
course, a facial.
Coming out of his reverie, the groom dashes to the restroom, followed by
a sultry brunette person, who's noticed the groom's erection and hates to
see a good thing wasted. "But it's my wedding day," objects the groom.
"You're not married, yet," parries the brunette person sagely. So began
Sex Scene #4, which in many ways was similar to scenes 1-3, except it
took place in a restroom. Also, the actress inhaled a little sperm
during her facial, which occasioned an impromtu coughing fit. Curiously,
when she dropped her Sex Queen persona and laughed at her predicament, I
suddenly found her immensely more appealing.
But where has the bride been all this time? The bridesmaids have
changed into civvies and are cleaning up when the bride dashes in. What
a day she's had! But there's to be no wedding today, so she heads home
- and voila! the missing groom. One might think there'd be a lot to talk
over, but happily, these two are so well-adjusted and understanding that
they have no trouble with sloughing off the day's little misadventures,
and they move unwaveringly to the bed for Sex Scene #5, which ends in a
facial. Again.
Ho-hum.
Considering how much has been said in this group about the contributions
of plot to adult videos, in "Cheeks 5" the plot doesn't really contribute
much to the sex scenes except the locations. At every single point
opportunities to advance the story and support the characters in simple
ways were ignored in favor of getting everybody nekkid as soon as
possible, at which time everyone switches over to basic "lust bunny"
mode. Take the first scene, between Brandy and the cop. I think Brandy
wants to show two things: 1) her character feels she has no choice but to
fuck the cop, and 2) this the equivalent of throwing B'rer Rabbit into
the the briar patch. Problem is, everything works against an effective
treatment. The cop's proposition is incredible and crude, while Brandy's
character dithers vaguely between rage and placation. The camerawork,
while ambitious, is selfconsciously artsy and distracting. Worse, no
hint of the extortive nature of the setup is present in the sex scene,
which subsequently comes off as strictly by the numbers. (From previous
posts, Brandy and the actor portraying the cop were personally involved
at the time - perhaps he might have been better cast as her fiance?)
What about the second scene? Bridesmaid #1 was portrayed briefly as
shyer than #2 - why couldn't this have been a running theme in the
scene? And how about the subsequent girl-girl scene? Did she have a
previous lesbian relationship with BM#1? Why do these people do these
things? More interesting, what do they have to overcome?
And the first time we see Frank (after the dream sequence) he's walking
down the street into the bar. So did the weenie wait at the alter all
of 5 minutes or what? Why didn't we ever get to see Frank left fuming
and humiliated?
All the scenes struck me this way - one lost opportunity after another.
Just get the plot out of the way, and roll the standard Pro Sex.
But kvetching is easy! Let me put my own creative butt on the line
here, with a suggested treatment of the first scene, between Brandy and
the cop. As I see it, this scene's meant to be a power game between
consenting adults. Think of the possibilities!
_For example_
She sits in her Honda, nervous and stewing, as the cop takes his time
strolling up. She never leaves the car - why would she? We see him
either through her side mirror, or from along side her car, usually from
neck down. He launches into a normal citation, quickly discovering her
lack of license and registration, and reading from her face that she
probably has loads of unpaid tickets. She asks to be let off with a
warning - "I don't think that would be a good idea, m'am" - then she asks
if there's something else they could work out, clearly thinking of a cash
bribe. No response. "After all," she reminds him weakly, "it _is_ my
wedding day."
"Yes, m'am," he responds dryly, leaning over to look in at her. "Is
that your wedding dress?"
"Uh, yeah." Nervous laugh. "Like it?" What's he up to?
"Um-hmm. Nice dress. White." Pause. "You a virgin, m'am."
"Whu...?" Pause. She's stunned and confused for a beat, then it hits
her like a slap. "You gotta be kidding!"
"About what, m'am?" Easing slightly closer, just a hint of closeness
as his elbow slips just inside the open window.
"Fuck you!" Livid.
"Yes, m'am. Please get out of the car, m'am." Still calm, in control.
"What...!" Confused - he's gonna take me right here?
"I'm afraid I'm going to have to call for a car to take you to the
station, m'am, until we've straightened out whose car this is."
"Nooo...!" Quietly: "Shitshitshitshit...!" He's rising to a stand,
making a move to walk back to his bike - "Wait a minute! What do you
want me to do?" She's had.
"What do you mean, m'am?" He waits. Now the game is that _she_ has
to proposition _him_, eroding her position even further.
Throughout this scene, the cop has to be patient and professional - he's
done this before, and knows the game well. At the same time, he knows
better than to commit himself prematurely (like the cop in the video
does), and is scrupulously careful not to come off as a physical threat.
(That's _not_ the nature of the power being wielded.)
In the sex that follows, the bride should be stiff and nervous at first -
why would she be otherwise? The cop takes his time at first, causing the
bride to complain, "could you hurry it up a little - I've really gotta go
soon!"
"Quality work takes time. M'am."
Slowly she gets into it, maybe as his tongue runs down her throat. This
is where to stick an existing line from the script.
"Oh well," she murmurs, "after all I didn't have a bachelorette party...."
Slowly her passion builds, as does his response to it, until it's clear
that now he's dependent on her for his pleasure - and the power's
shifted. Bingo! Playful revenge time.
"Want to come in my mouth?" she says. Predictable enthusiastic
response from him. But she doesn't let him come - she teases him,
getting him close, then backing off, forcing him away from her mouth.
(Now he's caught in her power game, so he won't force her - he can't. If
he could, it would have changed the nature of the confrontation from the
very beginning.)
"Please, m'am! I really gotta cum soon!"
Altogether, now. "Quality work takes work. Sir."
Whether you like my idea or not is irrelevant - nobody's going to shoot
it, tho' they may flame it, : o - but my point is that the plot can be
used for more than an excuse for screwing in different locations. It
can also be used to give the sex context. (For examples, see "The
Opening of Misty Beethoven," or "Barbara Broadcast," or anything directed
by Anthony Spinelli.)
And it makes the sex sooooooo much sexier.
-> Curmudgeon
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