From alt.sex.movies Mon Apr 24 11:22:26 1995 Subject: The "Flame Fanner" Considers AVN... From: Heretic Date: 13 May 1995 13:42:04 -0400 Status: RO Well, I had a $20 bill burning in my wallet so I decided to go to my local House-o-Smut (tm) and look through the magazine rack. I immediatley spotted the May AVN and the 1995 AVN Adult Entertainment Guide. As I rarely see AVN at this store, I decided to pick it up along with the annual - I can always use another reference. I left the store $17.90 poorer and with 550 pages adult video information. I was not impressed for the most part. First the annual. First thing is the cover. Anna Malle, topless. Fake tits staring me in the face. No thanks. Next the ads. The ads are mostly repeats the same as seen in the 1995 AFW guide, a notable exception being Evil Angel. John gives us a two page spread with two pictures of Kristi Lynn. Thank you John. Natural breasts and an incidniary ass. The charts and best seller/renters come next. The charts are pretty boring. The top sellers tapes list. For some reason they find it appropriate to combine separtate films into one entry, for example "Gang Bang Girl 11-14" I'm not sure what's up with this. John Wayne Bobbitt, Ninn's Sex, Blondage, Up + Commers the Movie, and Dog Walker round of the top five. Turn the page, top retal list. John Wayne Bobbitt #1 again. Number 2 is interesting: Buttman's British Big Tit Adventure[sic: should we BM's (Moderatley) BBTA]. Now this was a video featuring all real breasts. I have faith, though the reason for the high figure is probably: a) it's Buttman b) it's big breasts c) it's British babes d) it's all real breasts. Too many variables here to simply say it was dues to the all real breasts. Again, series are combined, i.e. Buttslammer 4-8, or Private Video Magazine 6-14 in one entry. I don't know what gives. Next the pictures of the "Top Features of the Year" Boring. Finally we get to the top 1300. Mistakes abbound and gone are the ratings that were in last years issue. Your basic synopses with some B+W stills thrown in (recycled from last year for the most part, and always many pages from the actual synopsis). Next comes four pages on the classics. I'm willing to bet donuts to dollars with is the exact same as last year. But I mean what changes in this area? Nothing. How about some picts of Abbigail Clayton and Annette Haven next time instead of taking up the whole magzine with fake tits? Amateur + Specialty next. Buyer's Directory + Performers Index? Useless. 3 pages of CD-ROM information. The guide is 350 pages, perfect bound. Despite this, it does lay flat, at least around the middle of the magazine. An OK job. Now I'm going to be a bit less kind. The May 1995 issue. The last issue I saw was August 1994. I CAN'T READ THIS PIECE OF EYE CANDY. All of the pages are glossy stock, as opposed to the few pages that were 'regular' paper previous. I don't know what Einstein decided on the new layout for video reviews, giving each it's own full page width review, put from a typographic standpoint, the lines are too long. I mean, you end up with 2 line paragraphs that run the entire width of the page. I guess I'll tackle the ads next. A big red ulta-glossy, 3 page foldout for Ninn's Sex 2. Too bad it's not preforated for easy removal from the magazine. Where the Boys Aren't 7. More fake tits than not. Vivid sucks. I'm sick of Janine. Unfortunatley, Asia's a Vivid girl now :-( Fake tits galore for the rest of the ads. I'll skip the Boneyard and Tales from the Crack. They remain, thankfully, unchanged. Next we get to the CD-ROM section. WHAT THE FUCK AREN'T THEY PUTTING ON CD-ROM THESE DAYS?! Christ. Every friggin' piece of crap is on CD now. 8 pages of reviews. I think they're putting the entire Zane and Fanatic catalog in 'interactive form', as witnessed by the two page spread. I'm waiting for "Interactive Kerri (Downs)" :-) The reviews are the reviews, and I still don't know what the hell "gonzo" is. In the front they classify John Leslie's "The Voyeur 3" as a video feature on the sales chart (#1), but the review is in the gonzo section (It's editor's choice). They give it 4 1/2 stars for heat. I fast forwarded through almost the whole thing. The legal section is always the most interesting, and I haven't gotten around to reading it yet, but it looks good. Cylde DeWitt writes a long piece on the Miller test. He's got an internet address - maybe we should forward him the Brandy stuff. Also looking interesting in the Business Side collum with a piece of labeling. Apparenly AVN is branching out into reviewing other magazines. Ah yes, we must never forget that AVN is a retail/distributor magazine. What's this? "AVN's Ultimate Adult Entertainment Guide". 1500+ reviews, all hypertext linked? Hmm....I have 7700 movies hypertext linked, and with a copy of the 1995 AVN + AFW annuals, you'd probably get 1500 reviews. And this stays _how_ up to date? Annually? I update mine every couple of months - I just added close to 200 films. Course, they're making money, while Peter and I aren't. Any other high points? The ad for Reel World 3 has Kyrsti Waay (Better Busoms member) in it, looking very nice. Also, Roxanne Hall, who I'm presuming is natural. Please correct me if I'm wrong here. They're both ultra yummy. 'Course the girls always look better on the box cover than they do in the movie, but I'm not planning in renting either of these films, so what do I care? Bottom line: "What happened?"