From [email protected] Wed Dec 27 23:23:43 EST 1995
Article: 86068 of alt.sex.movies
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From: [email protected] (patrick collins)
Newsgroups: alt.sex.movies
Subject: Re: Review - Patrick Collins' _The Bottom Dweller 33 1/3_ (1995)
Followup-To: critique
Date: 26 Dec 1995 21:09:05 -0700
Organization: Elegant Angel
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In article <[email protected]>, [email protected] 
says...
>
>"The Bottom Dweller 33 1/3" (1995)
>Prod/Dir : Patrick Collins
>Stars : Roscoe Bowltree, Careena Collins, Marilyn Martin, Joey 
Silvera,
>Nici Sterling, Sofia Ferrari, Petra, Jake Steed, Shawn Ricks, Andrea,
>Mike DeShane, Bruce Seven.
>ELEGANT ANGEL PRODUCTIONS
>
>Note : No writer is credited, leading me to believe (Unless Mr Collins
>can prove otherwise) that this film was improvised.
>
>Before we begin, I'd like to say that I have not seen either of the 
>previous "Bottom Dweller" movies (and after this I don't think I want 
>to!) so I may be missing out on several in-jokes. Although I doubt 
>this...
> 
>Anyway, we open with some lovely scenic shots of a harbour and see
>Patrick... erm, Roscoe cruising his boat (The Bottom Dweller) around
>the seas, to the nautical tones of John Further's soundtrack. Here he
>reprises his role as Harry Dweller, the world famous sex therapist cum
>sailor who, at the start of this film, tells us that due to the fact
>that his Uncle (Bruce Seven) has died, the IRS wish to freeze all his
>assets and steal his boat. (Huh?) However, he thinks B7 is still 
alive.
>
>So, not being too happy about this he decides to visit Careena 
Collins,
>the banker from Hell, who (to begin with) isn't much of a help to him.
>However, she's heard a rumour that he's a world famous sex therapist 
and
>says that she'll get on the phone to her pals at the IRS, if he'll 
cure
>her sexual hang-ups. We now enter a five minute exchange of dialogue 
in
>which Careena's character is introduced as being an ex-nurse, a 
>workaholic, a member of the KKK (!) and a girl who, despite only 
having 
>had sex in the missionary position, wants to see if a dog will cum in 
her 
>mouth if she sucks it off for long enough!!! (Puppy squeals rip across 
>the soundtrack as she says this!) Roscoe decides to "help" her. In 
order 
>to do this, he makes her masturbate in front of him for awhile, while 
he
>calls her names like "slut". She looks bored throughout this 
masturbation
>sequence and continues to look bored as she is rolled over to Roscoe 
to
>give him a VERY brief BJ before he blows his wad in her mouth. She 
spits
>it all out extremly quickly and awaits her next instructions...
>
>Roscoe tells her to go to his house, blindfold herself and wait for a
>man to come along... This man, as it happens, is Jake Steed. He 
appears
>before her, she sucks him off, he sticks it in her. I notice that in
>this scene (and the last) Careena has this AWFULLY annoying habit of
>purring like a cat. It's loud and offputting. To make things worse,
>Jake grunts like a boar during the sequence, and therefore, any heat
>that may have been generated is lost in a plethora of animal noises!
>We get a brief (10 seconds?) Reverse-cowgirl which isn't erotic at 
all,
>before Careena flips herself round for a spot of anal cowgirl. This
>goes on for awhile, is very repetetive, and Careena is almost fully
>clothed, to boot. Definately not a good thing. I think there's a bit
>of doggie after this, but I FF'd through it, until the facial at the
>end, which wasn't too good (most of the cum landed on the blindfold!).
>Only after the facial does Jake say (in a sinister voice) that he's a
>black man, and Careena (being a KKK member) looks as if she's about to
>vomit. Can you please explain, Patrick, what you considered was either
>a) erotic or b) relevant in that scene? Careena's character vanishes
>after this, never to be seen again, and the whole exercise seems like
>a depressing waste of time. Also, the sex seemed VERY rough and not
>too pleasant...
>
>Anyway, now we cut to Roscoe and Joey Silvera walking along the 
harbour,
>Roscoe explaining his problems to Joey. Joey claims to have once been
>a private dick and offers to locate Bruce Seven. Interestingly, Joey
>says that B7 was last seen in Brazil, despite the fact that Roscoe had
>earlier mentioned the Bermuda Triangle. Then again, this is an Elegant
>Angel film, so I guess it wouldn't be complete without a trip to 
either
>Brazil or Hungary! Anyhow, Roscoe gives Joey $500 and then goes to 
visit
>one of his many "patients", Mike DeShane.
>
>Mike has a problem (not explained at all) so Roscoe's solution is that
>Mike fantasizes about screwing. Huh? What sexual hangup could possibly
>be solved by fantasizing about screwing? Surely too much fantasizing 
is
>a hangup in itself? I'm confused... Anyhow, Mike hallucinates that 
some
>foreign blonde chick called Petra is fondling herself on his pool 
table.
>She's not too pretty and is just too large for my likings, although
>videographer Michael Cates does get some nice upskirt shots of her as
>she plays pool (I like those sort of voyeuristic angles). This lasts 
all
>of five minutes, before Roscoe tells him to keep fantasizing until the
>problem goes away (!). Huh? Anyway, Mike does this... First we see 
Petra
>using a vibrator on herself for a bit, then we move outdoors where 
Mike
>screws Petra, in an average (at best) scene. There's a bit of anal in
>there somewhere, for those who care, but it's badly executed and 
devoid
>of heat. The scene ends in a very small shot to the chin. Petra looks
>really upset that nothing much came out!
>
>Now we move on to some more irrelevant bullshit (IN BLACK AND 
WHITE!!!)
>with Joey dreaming that he's on a boat or something screwing a VERY
>ugly girl with a grossly oversized butt. This is Andrea, BTW. She 
sucks
>him off, briefly, he very quickly penetrates her and then Roscoe 
appears
>to wake him up. No cum shot and we're back to colour again. It turns 
out
>that Joey's been drinking and as a result Roscoe's decided not to 
employ
>him to find B7. Roscoe walks off, and on comes Marilyn Martin, the 
lady
>from the IRS. She asks Joey where she can find Harry Dweller, and out
>of guilt for letting Roscoe down, Joey tells her that HE is Harry 
>Dweller.
>She takes him up to a hotel room (no reason) and her burly bodyguard
>seems to want to throw him off the balcony. She says that this is not
>nessecary and then she states that she's heard about his therapist 
skills
>and wants him to (guess what?!) treat her sexual hangups! So we 
adjourn
>to the bedroom (hehe)...
>
>Marilyn is adorable, but that goes without saying. We begin with a 
little
>bit of foot fetish/toe sucking (This IS a Patrick Collins film) but 
I'll
>forgive him this time, as Marilyn as the most pretty little feet I've
>seen in a long time, and I have to admit that I wouldn't mind sucking 
on
>them myself! After this has gone on for a few minutes she gives him a
>BJ, before he flings her on to the bed and they both get nekkid. The
>scene that follows is remarkably hot. Reasons? Firstly, Marilyn. She's
>really nice to look at (IMHO, of course) so that's an immediate plus.
>Although, she is wearing a little too much make-up in this scene...
>Secondly, it's done on a bed for a change, instead of all these weird
>settings that the modern day porn filmmakers tend to like. Thirdly, 
>the lighting is a lot better in this scene than in the rest of the 
movie.
>Finally, Joey Silvera's a much better performer than all the other 
males
>in the cast. True, he looks like everyone's "Uncle Frank" but when you
>compare him to the last Bozo (Mike DeShane) you can see that he gets 
the
>job done, PROPERLY. Anyhow, he rubs Marilyn's (remarkably fleshy) 
inner 
>labia for a bit, to her obvious delight, then screws her (mish as 
Peter 
>would say) for a few minutes, with Marilyn making a lot of noise. They 
>swap positions for a bit of cowgirl, during which she rubs her 
adorable 
>little body all over him (lucky S.O.B.) and then he rolls her on her 
side 
>for some anal. My jaw dropped when she went a2m THREE TIMES IN A 
ROW!!! 
>They probably would have done it for longer, but Joey (understandably 
so) 
>is too aroused to continue and pops his load in her mouth. A 
>dissappointing climax to an otherwise sizzling scene.
>
>Now, back to the crap.... Gratuitous footage of Joey on a beach in 
>Brazil, obviously outtakes from other Evil/Elegant Angel movies. Then 
we 
>cut to Roscoe's house, where he is sitting with Shawn Ricks, Nici 
>Sterling &Sofia Ferrari, more so-called patients with imaginary 
hangups. 
>No explanations, they just break into a four-way screw. We start with 
>some ultra-dull foot fetish shit from Roscoe on Nici before breaking 
into
>a super-slow g/g with Sofia and Nici, then Nici sits on Shawn's face
>while Sofia blows Roscoe. I must say now that I don't think much of 
Nici
>Sterling (looks too much like a cheap whore for my tastes) and Sofia 
is 
>merely passable, so that could be why I didn't like this scene. But as 
it
>continues, we get cowgirls, rev-cowgirls, a walk-around-the-room anal 
on
>Nici, some oily anal on Sofia, some "squirting" from Nici (**Note : 
>Roscoe's hand is in the way, so I can't tell if this is an orgasm or 
if 
>she's justincontinent. Either way, I wouldn't want to be on the 
recieving 
>end**), blow jobs galore, and much swapping about of partners. It ends 
>with a couple of oral cumshots and a bit of blowing bubbles with the 
>semen (Tres gross). Chalk up another sexual hangup cured by the great 
>Harry Dweller. NOT!
>
>Anyhow, to wrap up this mess of a film, we now see Roscoe making his 
way
>to the IRS (What happened to Joey? More to the point, what happened to
>Careena? I thought she was supposed to solve this mess!) to tell them
>that he wasn't giving them a penny. They say that he doesn't have to
>because his Uncle Bruce has turned up and sitting in the office. The
>film ends with Bruce telling Patrick :-
>
>"Next time you want to find me, try your computer. I'm on the 
internet!"
>
>Oh, God, please...
>Anyhow, overall, a GRAVE disappointment from Mr Collins. I KNOW he can 
do
>better than this... All the sex scenes were pooperoos except the 
Marilyn
>one, the plot was limp and what little there was was contradictory,
>confusing and stupid, the humour was non-existant and the scene with
>Careena and Jake was postivitely sinister, and overall the whole thing
>left with a bad taste in my mouth, much like I'm sure it did Marilyn 
(a2m
>THREE TIMES! Still can't believe that).
>Ripped off by Elegant Angel... Whatever next? I may have expected this
>sort of shit from John T Bone, but from Patrick?! Oh, it makes me want
>to weep... Never mind.
>I give this one a 2.00 on the Imperial scale, but consider the 
following
>points :-
>-That grade is based almost solely on how I feel about Marilyn. If you 
>feel otherwise, knock off 1.99.
>-I haven't watched a porn film in nearly a month, so I was quite 
>desperate
>to get at this one. Therefore that mark may be TOO GENEROUS!!
>-I was in a good mood when I wrote this...
>Actually the more I think about it, it probably deserves much less...
>
>Happy viewing!
>Wayne.
>
>AND A MERRY XXXMAS TO YOU ALL!!!
>
Hey Wayne, This movie is nominated for BEST ALL SEX VIDEO, BEST COUPLES 
SEX SCENE, got a FULLY ERECT from HUSTLER, 4 STARS VOLCANIC from ADAM 
FILM WORLD and I THINK A 100% from SCREW. I don;t mind the critique, ( 
different strokes" I do however NOT understand the personal attack on 
NICI.....
-- 
--
Patrick Collins
Elegant Angel
[email protected]