The Director Reviews... Let's Face It


This review has been brought into line with the Imperial Scale.

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A Vivid Oral Cumshot Compilation, 1994

Synopsis: A collection of facial cumshots from Vivid's archives. I have broken the compilation down by scene, marking the name of the movie where the clip was from (if known), the stars and two numerical rankings: volume and effect. Volume is semen volume (Peter North is usually a 5; Randy West, usually a 1) and the effect the cumshot had... a 1 for a lame missed the face totally to a 5, which is an enthusiastic performer having a good time at her job. So now... Let's Face It...

7/10/95: This is so prettily formatted as text, I am not going to screw it up by converting it to HTML right now... maybe some other time.

Movie:    Poison
Cast:     Woody Long, Celeste
Notes:    He jerks off onto her tongue.  She lets it dribble out. 
          There's some minor face splash, but she plays with the
          cum A LOT.
                              Volume:   3         Effect:   5

Movie:    Army Brat #2
Cast:     Nina dePonca, Sasha, Peter North
Notes:    Pete's on his back as Sasha jerks him off.  Most of it
          misses her.  Nina is too far away for any action...
                              Volume:   5         Effect:   2

Movie:    ???
Cast:     Britt Morgan, Damian Cashmere
Notes:    OLD scene.  He jerks off onto her face.  Not much hits
          its mark.
                              Volume:   3         Effect:   2

Movie:    Lockdown
Cast:     Isis Nile, Sahara Sands, Steve Drake
Notes:    Isis and Sahara 69 each other while Steve fucks Sahara
          doggie style.  He pulls out and cums on Isis' face. (the
          perfect facial position, IMHO)  She takes it like a
          pro... all steely resolve, no enthusiasm.
                              Volume:   3         Effect:   2.5

Movie:    Native Tongue
Cast:     Britt Morgan, Marc Wallice
Notes:    She dribbles what little there is out, and licks it back
          up from her arm.
                              Volume:   2         Effect:   3

Movie:    Cheating
Cast:     Ashyln Gere, Jonathan Morgan
Notes:    A short scene with the sound out of sync.  He mostly
          comes on her tits.  Lame.
                              Volume:   2         Effect:   1

Movie:    Ginger Effect
Cast:     Cara Lott, Jerry Butler
Notes:    Doggie to Mouth, and he shoots too soon.  Evn when she
          gets turned around, almost all his shots miss her face.
                              Volume:   3         Effect:   1

Movie:    On Trial #3
Cast:     Racquel Darrian, Kym Wilde, Derrick Lane
Notes:    Kim eats Racquel while Derrick jacks off from above
          Racquel.  The camera work is lousy (Derrick is in the
          way) and most of the shots are too powerful and overshoot
          her head.  She makes an effort to catch the run-off, and
          gets a little in the eye.
                              Volume:   4         Effect:   3

Movie:    Dirty Looks
Cast:     Angela Summers, Ashyln Gere, Buck Adams
Notes:    Two HUGE shots miss entirely (I think he hit the
          cameraman).  They get the remaining weak runoff on their
          tongues.
                              Volume:   3         Effect:   1

Movie:    Performance
Cast:     Heather Hart, Eric Edwards
Notes:    She looks great here.  Most of the cum lands upstage of
          the camera (her cheek obstructs the landing) so we don't
          see much, but her enthusiasm and our imagination make up
          for it...
                              Volume:   3         Effect:   3

Movie:    ???
Cast:     Porsche Lynn, Tom Byron
Notes:    He's on his back, and she's above him blwoing him (IMHO,
          the WORST position for facials).  He's splashy and
          "invisible."
                              Volume:   3         Effect:   2

Movie:    Swallow
Cast:     Debi Diamond, Jon Dough
Notes:    There's some DT.  She *is* a slut (in the best porn sense
          of the word).  A definte no cuts a2m which is only
          interrupted by his cumshot.  He's got good volume and
          "throw" but it is invisible.
                              Volume:   4         Effect:   2.5

Movie:    Savannah's Last Stand
Cast:     Steve Drake, Sunset Thomas
Notes:    Sunset is Steve's birthday cake; icing and all.  She's
          also a brunette here.  She gets a chin full from Steve
          and doesn't look like she hates it.
                              Volume:   4         Effect:   3.5

Movie:    ???
Cast:     Lois Ayers, Greg Derek
Notes:    Anohter OLD clip.  He seems to cum in her mouth then
          pulls it out as a river of cum flows out of it.  Makers
          jerking off motions, but hard to tell if anything else
          comes out.  Could have been fake.
                              Volume:   3         Effect:   2.5

Movie:    ???
Cast:     Patti Petite, Jeanna Fine, Tom Byron
Notes:    Young, punk blonde Jeanna here.  A spirited romp with a
          limited payoff.  Most of it gets on her tits, and even
          then it's invisible.
                              Volume:   2         Effect:   1

Movie:    Scarlet Bride
Cast:     Tori Welles, Buck Adams
Notes:    Tori is still one of the hottest ever.  During the
          "talking" intro, she was totally "in the scene" which
          heightened everything to follow.  There was only one
          blast which was intended for and landed on her tit.
                              Volume:   1         Effect:   0

Movie:    Ginger Effect
Cast:     Terry Lynn, Kristara Barrington, Francois Papillion
Notes:    Terry and Kristara 69 wihile Francois fucks Terry in the
          ass.  Pulls out and shoots on Kristara's face.  (Boy
          that Terry Lynn... gotta get info on her...)
                              Volume:   2         Effect:   3

Movie:    Behind Closed Doors
Cast:     Victoria Paris, TT Boy, Buck Adams
Notes:    *Grainy* film.  Pretty crappy.  Buck launches a few shots
          on her ass and TT Boy can't get enough speed to hit her
          face, and dribbles on her tit.
                              Volume:   B:3 TT:1       Effect:0

Movie:    ???
Cast:     Elle Rio, Scott Irish, Frank James, F.M. Bradley
Notes:    She is a fuck machine.  She takes all three guys on
          voraciously.  They all cum in her mouth and she can't get
          enough.  She seems crazed and a little dangerous :)
                              Volume:   4         Effect:   3.5

Movie:    Black Sister, White Brother
Cast:     ??? (George Payne it looks like, but I know it can't be
          him...)
Notes:    He cums on her cheek and she rubs it in.  Standard.
                              Volume:   3         Effect:   3

Movie:    Blue Fox
Cast:     Trixie Tyler, Jon Dough
Notes:    He launches one and only one shot had hits her along he
          hairline turning her into a porn Bride of Frankenstein.
                              Volume:   2         Effect:   3

Movie:    ???
Cast:     Karen Summers, Shone Taylor
Notes:    Shone Taylor sure looked like Blake Palmer to me.  I
          initially confused her name with Karen Sumner's.  Typical
          stuff.  He actually does hit her face.
                              Volume:   3         Effect:   3

Movie:    Close to the Edge
Cast:     Debi Diamond, Tondy Tedeschi
Notes:    Some DT and interesting through the legs shots.  he cums
          on his hand and shoves/rubs it in her face.  (If it was
          me, I'd have slapped him...)
                              Volume:   2         Effect:   2

Movie:    ???
Cast:     Alexis Parks, Viper, Francois Papillion, Scott Irish
Notes:    Viper is energetically scary.  It looks like too much is
          dependant on this blow job.  However, she does get
          pointsfor getting into her work.  Scott cums on her face
          and so does Francois.  Average scores:
                              Volume:   2.5       Effect:   3

Conclusion:

     A so-so effort from Vivid.  Typical of their output.  Made up
     of mostly older films and no *big* Vivid stars (Jamie, Nikki,
     Savannah, etc.)  The averages come out to:

                              Volume:   2.82      Effect:   2.18
Conclusion
Since any facial rated at least a 1, the averages are a little misleading. The tape is really not a sum of its parts, and after it all, I felt somewhat let down by a lack of star power and any good (let alone monster) facials.

Overall, using 4 as a virtually unachievable high mark, (with most good recent stuff coming in at 3.50) I'd give this a 1.85.


Check out information for this movie at Heretic's Adult Film Database:
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Created: Monday, October 30, 1995, 9:45:17 PM
Last Updated: Monday, October 30, 1995, 9:45:17 PM

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