The Director Reviews... Blondage

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Vivid, 1994
Dir: Tom English

Cast

Janine, Julia Ann, Leena, Asia Carrera, Dyanna Lauren, Melanie Moore, Steve Drake, Tom Byron, Marc Wallice

Steve Drake is a club owner who wants to break up the dance act Blondage. With Blondage broken up, Bob's will close, and Steve's will be the only club in town. Leena is in on the sting to break up the girls as Steve's fiancee.

The flick is mostly a series of dance sequences from Blondage's strip-club repertory. Interspersed are inane scenes of plot.

Dance 1: Blondage (Julia Ann & Janine)

A typical soft-core strip-club dance with much posing. There is looping of audience reaction shots (why?!?) There's no nudity. A Rolling Stone's type of track is playing. I wonder if they use a Rolling Stones tune in their act, and couldn't get clearance for the video...

Dance 2: Blondage

Some Genesis ("Mama" from their self-titled album) type music is playing. They get naked now, and have some girl-girl fun. Steve Drake makes his entrance in the audience. The gals drip wax on each other. I think this is the closest we'll ever see Janine with white, sticky stuff covering her abdomen... Janine waxes some guys in the audience, as Julia plays with Steve Drake's affections.

The "sex" is all strip-club stagy, which means over- exaggerated moves for the patrons in the back. It may be fine live, but on TV it looks stupid.

Dance 3: Asia Carrera and Dyanna Lauren

To actually put their names in the credits and on the box is a crime. The girls are in this movie for about 30 seconds, and their clothed the whole time. If I was a Dyanna Lauren fan and got this flick because of her, I'd be PISSED.

Scene 1: Blondage

Dopey "backstage" chatter. ("Was it good for you, too?" Please.) Retarded champagne fun, shaking and squirting... the gals try to generate "heat" but the scene is mis-directed. I decide I like the rounder look of Julia Ann compared to the concentration camp gaunt of Janine. They 69 each other. Yippee.

Scene 2: Leena, Marc Wallice & Tom Byron

Marc owns "Bob's" and Leena applies for a job. She has to dance for the guys, and blow jobs wouldn't hurt either! (Go figure... the EEOC must not exist in pornland...)

She dances to some song which must not match what is playing on the soundtrack, because the rhythm is all off. She fucks and sucks Marc and Tom. She does some RC and Marc takes her anally (not while she RCs... sorry)

The boys cum on her face, and she takes it like she is wont to do, but she is all weird when she does, her eyeliner is all smudged, and she keeps rolling her eyes back into her head... spooky.

Dance 4: Blondage

Faux En Vogue music ("Free Your Mind") accompanies more softcore, strip-club voguing. Whatever... They're not grabbing dollar bills out of my mouth, so why bother?

Dance 5: Blondage

They use some milk on Julia Ann. More overplayed, dance hall "sex." Some "lucky" fat guy is pulled out of the"audience" and has his bare ass cat-o-nine-tail'd a few times by the girls. Janine gives him a kiss on the cheek... on his face!

Scene 3: Leena, Blondage

Leena starts to insinuate herself between the girls, but they just fuck instead. I expected more from the three of them. FF through most.

Scene 4: Julia Ann, Steve Drake

Where's Aaron Colt? Thank God he's MIA. Anyway, they fuck with a condom. He cums lamely on her tits.

This scene is intercut with:

Dance 6: Melanie Moore, Dyanna Lauren, Some Skank

Mel and Dyanna appear for maybe 30 seconds apiece, while some flat chested, skanky looking girl dances around for another 30 seconds. Vivid is bordering on fraud with these credits...

Drama 1: Leena, Steve, Blondage

In the only dramatic non-sex scene, Janine and Julia Ann have a fight. Steve Drake rushes in and tells Julia she can go with him. Suddenly, out of NOWHERE, Leena turns on him and gets the girls back together. Marc throws Steve out for trying to break up his Blondage...

This leads us to...

Dance 7: Blondage

I was so sick of the dancing at this point, I FF to the end. They wore some shiny leather outfits that had a touch of bondage overtones to them.

Whatever. There was a lot of dancing, and not much else. Granted, for those of us in states with restrictive dance laws, it was novel to see what may happen in other states.

However, the sex was often dull. Leena's facial was a semi- bright spot, but her eye thing made is less than enjoyable for me.