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From: [email protected] I spoke with Kahn Tusion at his home under a rock in tony North Hollywood. Hello, Kahn. Thank you for granting me this interview. I felt it my duty to correct the public record as to my conduct in the matter of the video recording entitled 'Rough Sex 2,' which is a brilliant, but brutally realistic, depiction of a lifestyle practiced by billions of fully consenting human beings, who have every right as adult persons to comport themselves in a manner that is unacceptable to the proverbial "John Q. Public" and entirely degrading and dehumanizing to women everywhere, but is an emphatically honest and sincere expression of nonconforming norms and mores that... Could you rephrase that? I like puttin' the hurt on bitches. Your real name is Mark Hamill. Has your career been on a bit of a downturn since you starred in 'Star Wars' some twenty years ago? I think the last thing I saw you in was a computer game. Well, yes. A few years ago, while continuing to work in the 'legitimate' movie industry, I was having lunch with Margot Kidder, when I noticed that the trashcan out of which we were eating had an inch-deep layer of maggots at the bottom. Margot suggested that I use the maggots as a spread on my partially-eaten sandwich, to which I responded by punching her fucking lights out. With this on my resume, I applied for employment at Anabolic the very next day. They hired me immediately, and I haven't looked back since. Let me mention at this juncture that Chris Alexander is a prince among men, a giant of the entertainment business and a true visionary. (Chris Alexander, the owner of Anabolic, has entered the room and has been silently listening.) It's been suggested by some that you're a 'piece of human vomit,' a 'dirty, misogynistic scumrag,' a 'greedy, soulless, mentallydamaged, drug-addicted...' I resemble that! Ha ha ha ha ha ha. So what does the future hold for 'Rough Sex?' After careful consideration, I've reluctantly decided to take a hiatus from this pathbreaking series to expand my horizons and broaden my artistic base. To always be doing the same thing can make a genius like myself seem stale and unoriginal. My self-expression is a vast untapped potential that cannot be bounded by the strictures of a... Chris: We're pulling it. There's that, too. I'm also shelving my plans for series called 'Slap the Infant,' and 'Mo Lester's Schoolyard Adventures.' So, what will you be doing instead? I have several ambitious new undertakings in the works. One is a series titled 'Suck My Cock, You Worthless Cunt.' It features about twenty scenes of girls doing nothing but giving guys blowjobs. Why hasn't someone thought of this before? An additional project is a penetrating look into another deviant but profitable-to-video lifestyle. In it, guys will be pulling the wings off flies, complete with close-ups. It's called 'Pretty Fly (for a Scumbag).' Jon Dough, Mr Marcus and Mickey G are already signed up. Well, thank you very much for being here. You're welcome, and thank you for having me. You're welcome, too, and thank you again. Yes, thank you. You're welcome, thank you. Thank you, you're welcome. Thank you.
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