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Webmaster note: The author of this piece, Patrick Collins, in *not* to be confused with the pornographer (responsible for the Sodomania series, etc.) of the same name.
From: Patrick Collins <patrickcollins@rocketmail.com>
Subject: Top Six "Glorious in Gloss, Vapid on Video"
Date: 5 Sep 1997 09:45:52 -0400
Organization: University of Virginia

Here is a list I haven't seen before but often thought about: porn stars who look great in magazines or on boxcovers, but just don't deliver on film.

  1. Letha Weapons. Those cheeks! Those breasts! That perfect face! That voice?!?! The first few times I saw Letha on video she was in cheap RetchoRama vids where she didn't say anything. The first time I heard her speak (and attempt to act) was in a Rodney Moore video where she played Rodney's dream woman. It was so funny I started laughing. I kept rewinding to listen to that goofy voice to hear if it was real. I don't know if Letha is really dumb, but if an animator wanted to cast the voice of a dumb-sounding character, hers would be chosen.
  2. Wendy Whoppers. Not only are her boobs fake, but so is her ability to act. In one scene with Cal Jammer and Roscoe Bowltree, Cal says "I want you to come!" and I was thinking "yeah, right!" Why even bother to make more obvious her lack of ability to pretend she likes it?
  3. Crystal Gold. She has the face and body of a top of the line pornstar but the reason she's in a lot of Leisure Time compilations is because she looks totally stoned.
  4. Alex/Alexis/Alexandra/Alexandria Dane (sometimes known as Loni). If you are a Dirty Debutantes fan, she's got that kind of face and body, but she does NOT like her job at all. I first saw her as the "attorney" who comes to investigate Wolf's "injury" in "Cumm Brothers go to Traffic School". In the post-cumshot-camera-linger that's Rodney's style, she looks like she can't wait to jump up and collect the dough and go home. She perpetually has a look on her face that says "Um...I don't know what's going on, but I'll do it if that's what you want."
  5. Daphne. Her body is magnificent, and when I saw it covered with cum on the cover of Cumm Brothers Goin to a Ho Down, I snatched it up without thinking further. But it's really obvious that she was getting paid a lot of money to do something she didn't want to do. It's saddening to see her forced reactions to Rodney's directions and the flat delivery of her punchlines. I've also seen her in mags, and after that scene I can't help but interpret that "dreary-eyed look" into a cry to be saved from her job.
  6. Angelique. The latest world-famous brasilian pornstar! I got to see her in Anabolic (?) World Sex Tour in a scene with Marc Davis. I was so looking forward to this when I first saw it because I had always thought that she was one of those bigboob models who never did hardcore. But...she was just kind of there. She looked like she was holding back from laughing during the scene. She's so hot though that I'll probably give her another chance if I see another one of her videos in the shop.



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