rame.net  :  humor  :   we demand a recount!

From: Matt Marin <misterniceguy@my-deja.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.erotica
Subject: Porn Star Demands Recount
Date: Sat, 11 Nov 2000 01:15:42

Los Angeles (AP) - The world of erotic video was rocked to its foundations today by the announcement that star Honey Kisser has asked for a recount of the men having had sex with her rival Lacy Arsenic during Tuesday's "Gangbang 2000" event, held in Palm Beach County, Florida. It represents only the latest battle in the long running war between these two porn combatants.

Starting with the Iowa "Strawbang" in 1999, the candidates for Gangbang Queen have been gradually whittled down through bangoffs in all fifty states, culminating with the shooting of Arsenic's "World's Largest, All-Time Huge, Really, Really Big Gangbang" in Philadelphia and Kisser's "Even Bigger Than That Other Gangbang Gangbang" in Los Angeles--both in August.

Tuesday's event--intended to settle the matter once and for all-- featured both frontrunners together and got off to a shaky start when media projections showed Kisser to be the winner after only two percent of the ejaculate had been counted. These projections were subsequently recalled and blamed on faulty condoms.

By the close of vaginas, at 8:00PM, over six million male Floridians had engaging in intercourse with one of the candidates. But when counting was completed early Wednesday morning, the official tally showed Arsenic ahead by a mere 1,784 fucks. Kisser has challenged this result on the basis of three disputed points:

  1. About 19,000 penises were disqualified for having entered the holes of more than one woman.
  2. Several thousand elderly men with poor eyesight are thought to have mistakenly penetrated minor candidate Butterfly Buchanan, whose bed was positioned between those of Arsenic and Kisser.
  3. It's no fun to lose.

Some six million used condoms will now have to be hand counted. The county has requested volunteers.

--
http://www.mattmarin.com
The Frenzy of the Risible

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