rame.net  :  humor  :   measure for measure

From: "Bike Man" <bikeman@hotmail.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.erotica
Subject: Re: Are porn stars measurements available for review?
Date: Wed, 18 Jun 97 13:32:22

Someone writes:

Do any sites exist that actually publish the measurements of male/female porn stars? For example, Ron Jeremy 9 x 5, Randy West 5 x 3, Chacey Lain 36D-22-34, etc.

Yeah, and it could have your basic web counter on Wendy Whoppers, Letha Weapons, and others of the grotesquely huge fake titties ilk as they compete to see who will be the biggest and which of them will explode first.

I imagine it would be a full time job to keep up with the noted plastic surgeons of Southern California to keep the list accurate and up to date. You could have those annoying little "new" gifs on all the girls that have gone under the knife in the last month.

As the art and science of penis augmentation continues to mature, I'm pretty sure we're going to start seeing enhanced penii in porn as well. Peter North will be able to come in his own face.

Would anybody in the industry ever actually agree to listing this sort of thing? How about sex casters giving a voice over play by play with the stats:

Jim: Here comes Peter North stepping up to the bed, and 8.56 inches and an average EV (ejaculation volume) of 7 ccs, he'll be all this young new comer can take.

Joe: Well, that's certainly true Jim, but he's been struggling of late. He had a couple of really disappointing pop shots in a Vivid shoot a couple of weeks ago, and there are even rumors of less than perfect wood in another shoot.

Jim: His wood looks great today, Joe. Big, firm, he looks like an over cooked keilbasa. And Missy here has never performed with anyone over 6" before. I don't think we're going to see any deep throat here today.

Joe: No, Jim, she has a history of being a tip sucker with a lot of hand action. We've never seen her take more than 3.25" in her mouth, ever, and even that made her eyes water.

Jim: You'll notice that Peter is flashing the label on that Kimono brand condom, Joe. He's got a three year contract with them said to be worth thousands. And no doubt Missy will find a way to get in a plug for her new Doc Johnson fake pussy.

Joe: Boy you never saw that in my day Jim. We were just out there fucking for the fun of it. Oh my! What an insertion. Lets loop that for the folks at home!

Uh, I think I drifted off topic a bit.

Sorry.

 

Newsgroup problems: e-mail rame-request@linux-shell.net.
Website problems: e-mail webmaster@rame.net

Questions about adult movies should be posted or mailed to the newsgroup rec.arts.movies.erotica. The staff at the above addresses cannot answer your questions; the folks in the newsgroup probably can.