rame.net  :  humor  :   more than one place to stick a cuban

From: Matt Marin <misterniceguy@my-deja.com>
Subject: Porn solves Elian dispute
Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies.erotica
Date: Wed, 19 Apr 2000 11:17:50

WASHINGTON (AP) -- The porn world was rocked to its foundations today by the news that controversial adult movie-maker Matt Marin has been instrumental in solving the diplomatic crisis involving 6-year old Elian Gonzalez. The American State Department announced this morning that Cuba is trading Gonzalez to the United States for Marin and two pornographers to be named later.

"We needed shoring-up at the position of lovable refugee," said the American manager, Billy Clinton, "and Marin just wasn't getting any playing time here: no one watches his tapes except me and the ballgirl, Monica."

"The addition of Elian allows me to leave a strong team to my assistant manager, Al 'Mr November' Gore, when I retire at the end of the season, in January." Insiders believe Gore plans to put the boy in the starting lineup for the must-win game in Florida.

Reached for comment at his home in Los Angeles County Jail, Matt Marin was optimistic. "I've been to all the best prisons in the US, so I'm looking forward to the opportunity to absorb a little foreign rehabilitation. I'll be staying in a beachfront cell in Cuba, and the guards have promised to break me in gently, with only one beating a day, to start."

A tight-lipped Fidel Castro, Cuba's veteran manager, told reporters that Marin will be traveling to the island nation aboard an exact replica of the boat on which Elian and his mother attempted their illfated voyage the other way. Asked whether this vessel wouldn't be just as likely to sink as the first, Castro smiled and said through a translator, "Now, wouldn't that be just terrible? Our sea-rescue teams are all going to be on vacation then, too. I'm ordering, I mean, authorizing it personally."

Fidel Castro is 94.


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